Sakit.Takot dan Mati

kenapa ye aku rase sakit?
sakit sangat.
aku takot.
aku bagi terlampau tggi harapan utk dia.
harapan untuk bersama walaupun utk 10tahun akan datang
harapan untuk bersama selama lamanya.
salah ke harapan aku tu?.
aku takot ..
aku takot harapan aku tak tercapai.
harapan bodoh yang dirancang ketika masih bodoh dalam topik cinta.
bodoh.

nak,, tapi takot untuk berhadapan dengan halangan di depan.
kenapa susah untuk bahagia?
kenapa terlampau banyak halangan di depan?
mari lah jalan bersama sayang.
bersama menjalani kehidupan bersama
meneruskan kehidupan walaupun halangan demi halangan menimpa.
ingat janji kita? gengam. bawak sampai mati.

aku takot.
satu hari nanti hanya tinggal aku.
kau pergi. jauhhhhhh
hati aku hilang.. disentap
aku cuba.\
cuba jadi yang terbaik utk terbaik macam kau.
tapi adil ke?
aku seorang yg kesakitan.
sedangkan engkau gembira di sana.

hidup tak pernah adil bagi manusia macam aku,
aku mmg tak layak hidup gembira macam manusia lain.
aku nak terbang bebas
macam burung diatas sana.
gembiraa. bebas.
tanpa kau aku mati.

Rindu

Awakk. saya rinduu.
rinduu sangat.
rindu nak tgk awak.
rindu nak gaduh ngn awak.
rindu nak manja2 ngn awak.
rinduuuu..
rindu sangat sangat
rinduuu. sampai boleh mengalirkan air mata
haha. kelakar kan?
bruu berapa bulan kita kenal.
awak pakai ilmu apa sampai sy syg sgt ngn awak nie?

rinduuu.. rinduuu rinduu...
awakkk.. tolong la rase jugak rindu saya nie.
awak sibuk dengan kerja.
saya dok ruma je. sbb tu rase betul kehilangan awak bila awak takde sini
awakkk.. sayaa rinduuuu..
rinduuuu...
rindu nak mengade2 ngn awak.
rindu nak sengal2.
rindu nak berdrama ngn awak.
rinduuu rinduu rinduuu..

sabar sherry. :'(

Beyond My Expectation...

expectation...
one word..
expectation cost me so much..
cost me time that i wasted
why do i get that kind of high expectation?.
its a trigger to make me work harder.
 but this is different situation
im just a normal person.
with hope and dream.
and sometimes being human my dreams is just a dream.
im just a dreamer.
i put my expectation way up high.
and i cant even reach it.
and stays as just expectation.

my feelings.
sad.
happy.
two different feelings.
that makes me strong and weaker.
this is my 1st time.
why do i get this kind of feeling?
is the long distance relationship doesnt fits me?
why must my heart hurts so bad..
why?
its just a feeling.
and some people said. we have to control our feeling and emotions.
or it drag us down under.
and that is so truee. i feel like something drag me down. and i know its my feelings.
i feel different here.
different.
i wish i can see the future ahead of me.
future... what i hold?
whose my husband?
how my life?
how my friends?
who always there for me?
my mom and dad?
my siblings?
nonsense.

expectation can kill.

Question?

just one.

how to know that your guy really loves you?
really care about you?
even you in long distance relationship?

Hello seremban!

untuk dijadikan cerita..

aku sekarang study kat poli dungun, amik diploma in programming.

terengganu?

rinduuuu gila.

so i just came back.

3hb.. then sampai sini 4hb pagi.

soo.... how ganu?

hahha.. ganu?

okkk. ape yang aku belajar kat sana is so many...

too much!. haha. from the accents. the language. the food.

hahah i admit. that terengganu punye makanan is not that good la. sory :(

i just lost few pounds. tapi balik seremban. i dont know.

i cannot say a word. sbb cuti kan?

then aku pulak dok ruma jee.

hahaha

 so today?. 

bngnn seperti biasa.. kemas rumaaa.. then masak.. tgk tv...

mengemas mengemas mengemas.

kene kemasss je ruma nie

aku jadi rimas. ngn budak kecik nie...

wat sepahh jee. arini aku masak nasi ayam btw.

hehehe

balik2 je aritu. keluar ngn maknai..\

pergi kipmart. beli brang dapur. waktu jalan2 beli2 barang tu..

aku cam tak knl org2 situ.

aku dengan tak pakai contact lens.

just jalan je la. baru sampai semban kan. gayat lagi. haha

waktu maknai beli ikan ... abg tu timbang sume. then .. dah bayar sume.

die bagi maknai ikan free. 

i was likee. woaaa... ikan free? for real? haha

then maknai amik kerang pulak. then die bagi lebih. sgt bnyk. bayar sikit.

hahah then die minx no aku. sbb die ckp anak maknai comel sgt.

hahahahhaha funny gila

laki got so many ways to woooo girls la.

and thats one of the way. haha

so cute yet funny. tapi tade la aku bg no. aku ckp aku tak pakai hp.

padahal dok jalan pegg bb nga dok tweet . hhaha abg tu senyum je.

alah saja2 mengacau. tak salah pun. lagipun i feel secure ade maknai. 

then the smlm.happy mother day smlm.

pergi jj. kaklong belikan mak emas :o woaaa

beli emasss k... emass..

bole la die kayo kan. hahaha. then aku pun kene gak la minx something.

pergi body shop amik pencuci muka harga 45. k.... 45 :o

..hahah bising kak long. tapi aku rase elok ar. i thinkk... haha

hari2 lain aku just duduk ruma jadi suri ruma arr.. dok layan the walking dead kat bilik, sambil baring

sampai tertito2 kadang2 tu. laptop bia je onnn,, 

nak berjoging manjang nak ujan. hahahaha....

bosannnnggg bosang. jiran2 sebelah nie pulak ...... menyakitkan hati. annoying

How?

how can things happen so quicky? haha
and thats how i feel right now.
my feeling were changing and so do my personality.
i'm a gemini so i guess its ok laa kan? haha
gemini hav some kind a split personality thang going on. haha
lets not talk about that.

its not how.. its more about a job.
so here im doing nothing at home. just surfing..
and listening to misteri jam 12. and eat. sleep .. then playing with my baby brother.
not much to do.
so im just surfing looking for a job. then there a guy..
at his blog.. he placed his email. and said if anybody would like a job. haha
yeahhh its me. so ..
started with an email.
he ask where i stay. i dont give him the real place where i stay. who would? he just a random guy.
then he ask if i can teach.
so.. teaching? its in my blood la bro. even my mother is a teacher.
so teaching it is. haha he ask if i can teach  standard 5 student. aha hell yea.
can la. math for standard 5 is so easyyy..
who cant do that?
then now. he wait for my confirmation la.
soo? haha
sgt malas k. die ckp kene ade transport to go to houses area panchur.
sbb nie home tuition.
derrrrr... hahaha
so boring la der dok ruma der.. need some space to be away from family sekejup.
its not that i dont like it. but sometimes being alone is all i need.
macam hari bekerja. mak sume g keje. and theres me in my room surfing. haha
still thinkingg...


#sorry for grammar mistakes.

Kesayangan

Assalamualaikum semua,
hahahaha. finally, setelah bertungkus lumus selama 5 bulan lebih...
dapat jugak merasa cuti yang sebulan lebih nie.
dengan perasaan konon nak tenang dok rumah. tapii disebabkan perasaan bosan dan pokai nie
menyebabkan aku nie.. ingin bekerja. which is very very urgent . so sape nak bg i kerja pls inform kat i punye assistant.

so, post kali ini...
ialah nak cerita tarikh me with my kesayangan start kenal2. kenangan gitu.
so... here it goes..

it started in month of april,
at that time i'm a new bb user.
so aku cam gayat gila bila ade org add bbm aku.
camtu kira2 ade membe2 kamsis ngn mirul je bbm contact aku.

soo... this guy which is my kesayangan now kan... die add.
aku cam.. mane dapat bbm i ? hahh? manee manee? u stalker? ke mirul bagi? ke fitri?
hehehe. kelam kabut giler. at last die ckp dapat kat twitter. sbb aku ade letak kat kat situ *malu
hahaha, kenal2... time tu nak final dahh. so cam kenal2.. borak2.. gayut2..
until one fine dayyy... die ajak kua.

aku yang baik nie jarang nak kua ngn laki sgt,, jadi sgt terkejut utk membuat keputusan..
tapi sbb kan cam ckp dlm telefon melting lalu. i decided to meet him on

29/4/2013
asal boleh nak ajak kua lambat..... hehe kol 5.30pm .. pastu kol 7 dah kene masuk. haih.. ngn aku siap lagi..
hehhe tapi.. hey.. i made it. kol 6 camtu kua jalan2.. g jalan pantai.
ok 1st aku tatap muke die..
omggg.. nie lahhh laki aku yg aku sayang sgt tuuu .. laki dalam hp tu.
segan gila kott. maluu je. tunduk2.
jalan kat pantai dungun. dia bawak sgt slow. which is i love it very much. :)
hehehe. pastu g pantai tanjung bidara. ehehe, tak tahu jalan. jalannnnn jee.
then ade sesat sikit kott. die tanya org negeri jalan terengganu. sgt la salah ye. dont do this at home.
hehee. tepat kol 7pm die anta depan poli.
at that time ... my heart was racing. cam kene turun ke? kalau taknak balik boleh tak? haha esok ade paper nie. due2 sj mengade. carikk pasal.

hahaha sehari lepas tu.. aku cam busy gila...
abes je paper kemas brgg... keluar poli sume. then kene kosongkan asrama.
penat .. sgt penat. dekat 10 kali jugak la kene turun naik tangga kamsis tu.
pastuuu aku menggila sikit malam 30hb. keluar g tgk bola ngn anati.. okk. aku tak suke bola
.. haha so bila keluar tgk bola pg2 buta itu sgt pelik.
dia msg. tanya nape tak tegur sume. aku ckp busy laa. mcm2 la. tapi tatau nape aku busy? thenn.. malam tu aku jalan pantai sorang2.  yg lain tggl kedai ..
berteman kan kete myvi aku bawak lajuuu gila nak cecah 120km/j jugak ar...
sambil bbm ngn dia.
tnye katne. die ckp die kat tepi pantai. woaaaa.. aku kat pantai jugak.
kebetulan k... jumpe kereta die kat tepi kedai .. omgg omgg. he somewhere in there.
hahaha. and that night aku takkan lupa. aku ngn anati tak tidur.
kteorg abes bola g mcd.. minum kopi..
taknak balik sbb takot tertido sbb esok tu anati balik naik bas kol 10. balik je subuh, terus mandi...
then.. amik makhluk2 yg lain.

1/5/2013
abes je hantar diorg balik... yg membe housemate nak g pasar payang. so aku yg tak tidur seharian..
dan malas sgt nak penuhkan kereta.
aku decided tak pergi.
stay rumah sorang2
utk tidur... so aku tidur je pgg bb kat tngn sambil bbm sampaii tidur. itu kesayangan pun tidur juga.
bngn jeee ping teruss.. then kesayangan ajak keluar makan. sbb aku makan mcd je pagi tu. mmg seharian tak makan.. aku kalau kat dungun selera makan hilang ..
haih.. tatau ar kenapa.
tapi tggu yg geng pasar payang balik...
diorg balik je aku siap2 keluar ngn kesayangan g makan .. hehe
1st time lagi dok tatap muka masing2.
maluuu k maluuu... *tutup muka
die sgt sweet... awwwww aku melting gila
pas makan jalan pantai jup. aku yg ajak. dan aku bukan jalan sgt pun.
aku tggu belakang die.
taknak main pasir. rimas dengan pasir pantai. jup jeee. tgk air laut malam.
patuuu.. jalan g kereta. patuuu die kutuk aku pendekk. ngade ..
patuu anta balik. sampai je rumah. budak2 nie kuar makan. tak balik lagi. so
kesayangan teman saya depan ruma.
borak2.. rase sayang sgt . btol.. sgt sayang.. dah la 3hb tu kene balik negeri. die janji nak anta
tapi maybe penat sbb 2hb kene balik kuala terengganu da.
so aku tak kesah. aku kan gangster, dok negeri org kene pandai berdikari


#part 1 finish